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| [I knew from the moment I first danced with you I wanted to get to know you better....and I want to continue to get to know you and make memories with you.] |
Little background about myself. I have really bad depression, I have very little self-worth, I have really bad anxiety (I have let things go so long that it is starting to affect my physically- when I start getting anxious I get this sharp pain in my chest and back, that only gets worse with the anxiety), I have this voice in my head that tells me I don’t deserve any of the good in my life (including my husband) and I am emotionally driven- which means after I have held things in as long as I can (because I am scared of my burdens being someone else’s burdens) I cry hysterically and there is next to no reasoning with me until I have just cried it all out. I am not proud of any of this.
{This post isn’t about me, it isn’t to gain pity or to let people know all my problems. It is to brag about my husband and let the world know just how lucky I am to have Adam in my life.}
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| [No one makes me this happy, makes me laugh this much, makes me feel this beautiful or this loved as you do.] |
The other night I came home from work— the day had started off on a rather rough note—and I was just bogged down with all my worries and stress. I could feel my chest starting to hurt and I could feel the anxiety building, but I just didn’t feel that I had time to deal with any of it (wrong answer…. I know). I rushed around the house trying to take care of things (and he followed and listened and did every crazy thing I asked him to do). Then when we were in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Adam started up some small talk. He was asking just everyday questions, but I could feel myself getting heated up-really no reason at all. And then he asked one simple little question and I literally felt myself snap. I started saying something that I knew was not going to end kindly (regrettably this is true…. I told you Im not proud of any of this) so I stopped myself mid-sentence, told him I couldn’t talk about this right now and went and climbed in bed. I laid there and cried for who knows how long, while Adam sat by my side occasionally rubbing my back and telling me he loved me.
At some point I thought, “I am keeping Adam up, he needs to go to sleep.” So I got up and left the room without a word. I went to the study and curled up on the couch and at this point I was HYSTARICAL! I was sobbing and talking to myself about how I just couldn’t do any of this any longer. Adam, like a wonderful husband came and sat behind me, wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I could hear him quietly saying a prayer. And then as I would say negative things to myself or that I didn’t deserve him, he would counteract every comment and tell me how much he needs me and loves me. He was so patient with me and he never left my side.
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| ["As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. John 15:9] |
Eventually he calmed me down enough that I was ready to head to bed; but because I had just been crying so much I was shaky, he held me and slowly assisted to bed. He got me a glass of water he tucked me into bed, and then laid down beside me. But his goodness didn’t stop there. He then went the extra mile by talking to me quietly, telling me all the reasons he loves and appreciates me while gently brushing my hair (which is one of my favorite things, to have my hair brushed).
The next morning he helped me get ready for work. After I had gotten to work I found a little note written on a notecard in my bag.
“My Dearest Kayla,
Thy love, to me: what is it? Hath it wings? Yea, for of a truth it doth carry me evermore to the bliss of the heavens.
Thy love is not a butterfly, to be mispurposefully trampled underfoot by an ignorant act. Nay, but rather it hath been likened to an angel, of whom is brought glad tidings of joy, hope, and that bears the fruit of a kiss.
And so, thus it is that mine heart is given unto thee, o’thee fair Kayla. I pray thee to come unto me this evening that I might tell you I love thee.
Love,
Adam”
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| [This picture he tried to dip me but almost dropped me. He thought it was hilarious!!! But in truth I love how safe I feel around him. I know he would never hurt me or allow me to get hurt.] |
He came to my work as soon as he had gotten off of work and played Barbie’s with the two girls I nanny and I. When we got home he did the dishes and he did whatever I asked. Since that night he calls and texts me all the time, he leaves cute notes (well he has always done that, but the notes have gotten more and more romantic and sentimental).
I realized something after all of this—that God really does know me. He knows I have problems and that I cannot overcome on my own. He know I need a man who will love me and support me, will be patient, understanding and will bring out the very best in me. And at the risk of sounding like a sappy girl in love I have to say that my Father in Heaven gave me all of that and so so much more. Adam is and will forever be my best friend. He sees me for the good and not the bad, especially in my lowest of moments.
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| [I love the way he is silly with me..... GOLLY isn't he just so so cute!!!!] |
My heart is overflowing with gratitude for this tender mercy from Heaven. I want Adam to know that I am so very grateful to have him in my life and for all of the acts of service he gives in my behalf. I am grateful for his optimism and him smile and humor. I am grateful for his willingness to work long hard hours and provide for me. I am grateful for his childlike ways of seeing all the good in the world and his excitement over the little things (a small box of Legos can bring a larger smile to his face than a plate of homemade cookies…. Although he really does love peanut butter chocolate chip cookies). I am grateful for the times I walk into a room and see him on his knees praying, or when he is pouring over his Preach My Gospel Manuel and his scriptures marking and cross-referencing. I am so grateful for the times when I walk in the room and he stops what he is doing and smiles at me and tells me how beautiful he thinks I am.
I heard once that all the best blessings in life are the result of hard hard work. Adam—you are the greatest blessing in my life. I waited (not so) patiently for you and now that I have you in my life I will continue to work each and every day to show you just how much I love you. Thank you for being my greatest happiness.
Love,
Kayla
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| [Always and Forever 2.2.14] |
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