Cabinet Full of Spices: 2015

I'm going to be really honest, I did not like being pregnant. I didn't like growing bigger by the minute, I didn't like all the food cravings and being sore all the time. I really didn't like not being able to sleep on my stomach (If I can’t sleep on my stomach, I almost can’t sleep at all!). I thought my anxiety was pretty bad before I got pregnant but the added hormones in my body and everything else that was going on just upped the anxiety to extreme levels. But what I really didn’t like about being pregnant was that it really messed with my emotions. I wasn’t your normal weepy prego woman who tears up at everything; usually I rarely tear up at all. But I would go from 0 to 60 on the speed of emotion in a matter of seconds (my poor husband). Something would happen and I would try not to over react (sometimes it would be as simple as I couldn’t fit into a shirt I wore last week, or I made dinner and burnt it because I had to go sit down because my back was hurting), but inside I was totally battling the hormones. Then later that night with no warning I would just start BAWLING! And I mean Niagara Falls tears. And I would cry for an hour or two before I could even talk about it. This happened the entire 9 months…. and only got worse.

This picture should give you an idea just how big I was during
my pregnancy. I was HUGE!!!!!

However, as much as I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, there were moments that I really did love and sometimes even miss. I loved to feel Olivia kick and move around. I really loved when she would push up and I could make out a hand or foot. I loved those tender moments when I could feel her little spirit right next to me. And strangely enough I loved when little kids would come up and rub my belly (not adults—that was weird). There was this one time when Adam and I stopped by this lady’s house to buy something from her (we didn’t know her or her family) but her youngest daughter (she was maybe 4) came running up as soon as she saw me at the door and rubbed my belly and gave it a little kiss. It was totally weird at first but I just thought, how sweet that was! This little girl didn’t know me but she recognized that there was a baby in my belly and she wanted to share some of her love with my baby.

The week that Olivia was born I was really stressed. My mom was planning on coming up on the 21^st (the day before my due date) in hopes that she would make it in time for the baby. We had stressed and prayed about when she should come up for months but really felt that she didn’t need to come up until then. That week I was a nervous wreck and boy was I uncomfortable. I was just getting over a 2 month long cold and I quite frankly just wanted my mom to be there to tell me everything was going to be all right. On the 21^st my mom drove from North Bend to Boise and decided to stay the night there with my Aunt and Uncle and then get up early the next day and finish the drive. Adam took me for a walk that night (because by this point I just wanted to have my baby and we had heard that walking can put women into labor). We walked to the Cocoa Bean and enjoyed some hot cocoa and cupcakes then we walked around town. But when I started having pretty steady contractions we decided to head back to the car. 2 seconds after climbing in the car the contracts stopped and I didn't have a single contraction the rest of the night.

My Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cupcake with Cheesecake filling from the Cocoa Bean.
DE-LISH (but there was a little too much frosting for my liking)!!!!

This is the last picture I have of my belly before Olivia
was born. I took this before my checkup on the 21st.

Now before I tell you this next part I have to just say, I had maybe 2 dozen different women try to explain to me what contractions felt like. But let me just say, they were nothing like what anyone explained them as. THEY ARE AWFUL AND NOT FUN!!!!! Many women told me that contractions are very much like menstrual cramps that start in the lower back and come around the front. Before I was pregnant I would have the worst menstrual cramps. They would cause me to curl up in a ball in bed for two days in tears. I had a hard time keeping down food and my whole body just felt like it was being torn to shreds from the inside out. Yea, contractions were so much worse, and there was no way I could have curled up in a ball with my big ol' belly.

The next morning I anxiously awaited my mom’s arrival and I’m pretty sure I cleaned the apartment 5 times. I even made a crockpot dinner and 3 dozen cookies to try to fill the time. FINALLY she arrived and as soon as I saw her all my worries and anxiety settled. (My mom kind of does that for me) She just makes everything alright. We enjoyed a visit with my grandparents and went through baby clothes together. Then after Adam had come home from classes we decided to go on a walk around campus while dinner finished cooking. We parked at the very top of the hill (for those who are not familiar with the BYU-I campus it is on hill and there are TONS of stairs all over campus) close to the gardens, walked all around the gardens through a few buildings, up and down what felt like a million and two stairs. Half way through the BYU-I Center I started feeling some very subtle contractions but didn’t say anything and continued to push on up the stairs. We walked down to the bottom of the hill so that we could walk through the new art exhibit in the Spori building. By this time I was exhausted and the contractions were getting stronger. So I didn’t walk around the exhibit, I just sat down. Then when we were leaving to show my mom another building we weren’t even 5 steps out of the building and the contractions started getting so strong they were starting to take my breath away. This is when I finally told Adam and my mom about the contractions. So we headed straight to the car (remember we were at the bottom of the hill and we had to go all the way to the top…. Ugggg not fun).

When we got home I made some corn bread to go with dinner (just the box kind because there was no way I was making it from scratch). We watched some Chopped and ate dinner the whole time while having contractions. About an hour after dinner the contractions were now about 3 minutes apart lasting about 1-2 minutes and it was hard to talk during a contraction.(It had been about 3 hours since contractions started) Adam called the hospital and asked when we should come in, the nurse told him that when I couldn’t handle them anymore or if my water broke than that was a good time to come in. Within 30 minutes we were packing up to go to the hospital. It was around 9 pm. My mom was just beaming and saying how excited she was. She also patted my belly a few times and told Olivia how proud she was for waiting for Grandma to get here. I don’t think I have ever seen Adam so nervous and anxious in our whole marriage. He was rushing about the apartment gathering things up and his hands were shaking. I also don’t think Adam has ever driven so fast in his entire life. He was so anxious to get to the hospital that he ran 2 stop signs and told me several times that if a cop tried to pull him over for speeding he wasn’t going to stop till we reached the hospital.

My mom walked me up to the labor unit while Adam parked the car. The nurse confirmed that I was going into labor but I was only dilated to a 4. She showed us where my room was and encouraged us to walk laps around the unit. So that is exactly what we did. We walked twice around the hall then we left the unit to walk down the other halls. But we didn’t make it far before 1—we ran out of halls to walk around and 2—my contractions were hurting so bad I just wanted to sit down. We headed back to the labor unit and was met at the door by a nurse who had my hospital band. She showed it to us and asked if all the information was correct to which Adam responded in a very serious tone “You forgot her middle name... ‘Awesome’.” She looked back at the band with this look of confusion and embarrassment because she was pretty sure she had the information correct. It took her a minute to realize he was just joking and then she gave a halfhearted laugh. I was hurting too much to laugh so I tried my best to give him a smile, but he sure thought he was funny because he was laughing pretty hard. We walked another lap and a half around the unit before we headed back to my room. Shortly after I got in bed my grandparents showed up. I don’t think I have ever seen them so awake and happy in my life! At this point it was around 11:30.

After about half an hour the anesthetist came in to give me my epidural. [Confession time, I don’t do needles. Like I am as bad as a 5 year old when it comes to needles. But even more I don’t react well to pain, especially extreme pain. So despite my real fear of needles I chose the route of an epidural.] Now I wasn’t expecting the process of getting the epidural to be all that pleasant but it was nothing like I imagined. I just thought I would sit up or lay on my side, the needle would go in and out and then it would be over. HOW WRONG I WAS!!!! I had to sit up and then hunch over as far as I possibly could so that my spine was exposed as much as it possibly could be. Then she gave me a shot to numb the area (lies- it didn't numb a thing!). Then she gave me the epidural, and I was not allowed to move….at all. Mind you the whole time I was still having contractions. And on top of that the nurse kept telling me to breath! Like I had time to breath while dealing with all of that. Adam was so wonderful and sat right in front of me and held me the entire time.

Taken 20 minutes after I got my epidural, All that was going
through my head was how much I was ready to have my baby and
that annoying song: "but first let me take a selfie!"

After the epidural, I had to face more needles. Another nurse came in to put in an IV. She had a hard time finding a good spot to put the needle in and poke around a little, when she finally got it in it really hurt and my whole arm went numb within seconds; I have never felt anything like that. She called in another nurse to come help her and they tried putting it in my right hand. They got the needle in twice but for some reason it didn’t work or something because shortly after getting it in they would pull the needle out and start poking around some more. Finally they gave up on the right hand and went back to the left where the needle was still in but was very uncomfortable. They wiggled it around and then just taped the needle down and left it. I hated that IV needle with a great passion. By this time we were well into the morning and I was extremely tired. Luckily with the help of the epidural I was able to sleep. I kept waking up to either my Grandpa or Adam saying, “Oh she’s having another contraction, and it looks like a big one!” But I honest to goodness couldn’t feel a thing, in fact most of the time they had to tell me when I was having a contraction. It was amazing. Yes, I hated the actual act of getting the epidural but I loved not feeling anything. I guarantee I will be having an epidural with all my babies. Drugs all the way!!! (These next pictures are not my most flattering pictures.)

Adam was wonderful and held my hand the whole time. I was
such a baby about the needles. Like I said- I don't do needles.

\Sometime during the early morning hours I woke up feeling absolutely awful. I don’t really know what came over me but I called out for my mom because she was the first person I saw and then it was all I could do to lean over the side of the bed in time to puke all over the floor. It was in my hair, on my hospital gown, on the sheet and all over the floor. After that I felt a lot better, but my stomach did feel pretty queasy for the next couple of hours. I was able to sneak in another hour or two before I woke up (again, thank goodness for the epidural!).

Okay, another tangent. I would like you to meet a wonderful woman-

This is Sharon Squibb, she was my midwife and one of my greatest blessings from heaven during my pregnancy. Sharon moved from Iowa to Rexburg shortly before Adam and I did. For whatever reason I felt strongly about giving the midwives a try. I met with Rachel and I liked her but she just wasn’t the right midwife for me. So my next appointment I made with Sharon and from the minute I shook her hand I knew she was who I wanted for my regular midwife. Sharon is a small Jewish lady who has the warmest smile. She is extremely gentle, soft spoken and goes well out of her way to bring comfort to her patients. Every appointment she would spend well over the amount of time I would expect from any doctor or midwife answering my questions in great detail, and she always gave Adam and I such hope. Sharon is full of optimism and excitement and you can just tell that she truly loves her job. I fell in love with Sharon and was able to find much peace to my anxiety and fears in her tender loving care. (Sharon actually moved back to Iowa the day after my 6 week post pregnancy checkup. I feel as though my Father in Heaven blessed me with such a wonderful and patient midwife to take care of me and walk me through my pregnancy and to be there for me for the exact time that I needed her. I am greatly saddened that Sharon has moved away but I am tremendously grateful for the blessing she was to my life and to my family.)

Shortly after I woke up I was surprised when Sharon walked into the room because she was not actually on call. And I was even more surprised when I found out that she had actually spent the whole week in bed sick but again went out of her way to be there for me when I needed her most. The first thing she did was come over and hold my hand for a moment and tell me how excited she was that we had made it to this point. It’s amazing how I went from freaking out on the inside and feeling extremely scared for what was about to happen, to feeling confident that I could deliver my baby and excited that I had made it 40 weeks and I was now preparing for Olivia to come—And it was all because of Sharon. I’m telling you she is an amazing woman and was such a blessing. Sharon talked with Adam and I for a little and then to my mom before she left to go check on another patient of hers that was just down the hall preparing to have her own baby.

As contractions got worse and worse nurses kept coming in and out to check the computer and my vitals, but still my water had yet to break. Around 7:30 am or so Sharon came in and broke my water. Honest to goodness, did not feel a thing! Sometime around 8-8:30 a nurse confirmed that I was dialated to 10 and told me to let her know when I had the urge to push. Lets pause the story here for a second. Urge to push??? What the heck did she mean by that!? I have never in my life had an “urge to push” anything, how was I supposed to know when it was time to push if I didn’t know what she was talking about. Well it was around 9 am that I finally found out what she meant, I wanted to push and I wanted to push bad! It was just Adam, my mom, Sharon, a nurse and a nursing student in the room with me and for 3 HOURS!!!! They stood by my bed side and encouraged me to keep pushing. I really couldn’t tell you much about those three hours. I just remember being tired, but Adam told me that it wasn’t until the last five minutes or so that I really started saying that I was tired and couldn’t do this anymore.

The one thing that I really do remember was Sharon looking at me and then saying “Ok I just need one more strong push” and then it was like I blinked and she was lifting this beautiful baby up and putting her on my chest (Olivia was born at 11:51 am on Jan. 23rd). After that I have no idea what went on around me because all I could focus on was this wonderful little human being that was laying on my chest. Adam hugged me and said a few things so did my mom, and Sharon told me something but I don’t remember any of that. My eyes were locked on my baby, and there they stayed. She cried for a minute or two and then she stopped and she kept looking at me, she even held my finger (and I was amazed by how strong her grip was). I do remember everyone laughing and someone saying “She just pooped on you” and another nurse grabbing a towel to clean it up but it didn’t bother me one bit. For all I cared she could have pooped on me several times and I still wouldn’t have minded because I was just so happy to be holding my daughter for the first time. I remember thinking over and over how beautiful she was (but I have to admit I did- for a split second- think she kind of looks funny.... how terrible am I for thinking that!). It's amazing how within seconds of holding this child you have carried for so long, that your heart feels almost overwhelmed with the amount of love you have for them. I knew I loved Olivia from the second Sharon lifted her up and that love just grew stronger and stronger the longer I held her.

An hour later a nurse took Olivia over to a table to clean her up, weigh and measure her. She was 8 pounds 7 ounces and measured at 20 ½ inches long.

As of this very day that I am writing this Olivia is 2 months old, 12 pounds 8 ounces and 25 inches. I used to roll my eyes every time I would hear a parent or grandparent say, “I blinked and then they grew up!”. But now I feel as though I say that at least once a day. Where has the time gone? My baby girl is growing so big and so well. I love this little girl. She was a literal answer to my prayers (that’s how we knew we should have a baby and that’s how we found out her name) and now she has taken over my world. I couldn’t imagine loving her any more than I already do. I couldn’t imagine a better career or way to spend my time than to be her mother. She is my greatest happiness and I am so happy that God has given her to me and allowed me to be her mom.