A family of two was fun.... but a family of three is funner!

I'm going to be really honest, I did not like being pregnant. I didn't like growing bigger by the minute, I didn't like all the food cravings and being sore all the time. I really didn't like not being able to sleep on my stomach (If I can’t sleep on my stomach, I almost can’t sleep at all!). I thought my anxiety was pretty bad before I got pregnant but the added hormones in my body and everything else that was going on just upped the anxiety to extreme levels. But what I really didn’t like about being pregnant was that it really messed with my emotions. I wasn’t your normal weepy prego woman who tears up at everything; usually I rarely tear up at all. But I would go from 0 to 60 on the speed of emotion in a matter of seconds (my poor husband). Something would happen and I would try not to over react (sometimes it would be as simple as I couldn’t fit into a shirt I wore last week, or I made dinner and burnt it because I had to go sit down because my back was hurting), but inside I was totally battling the hormones. Then later that night with no warning I would just start BAWLING! And I mean Niagara Falls tears. And I would cry for an hour or two before I could even talk about it. This happened the entire 9 months…. and only got worse. 

This picture should give you an idea just how big I was during
my pregnancy. I was HUGE!!!!!

However, as much as I didn’t enjoy being pregnant, there were moments that I really did love and sometimes even miss. I loved to feel Olivia kick and move around. I really loved when she would push up and I could make out a hand or foot. I loved those tender moments when I could feel her little spirit right next to me. And strangely enough I loved when little kids would come up and rub my belly (not adults—that was weird). There was this one time when Adam and I stopped by this lady’s house to buy something from her (we didn’t know her or her family) but her youngest daughter (she was maybe 4) came running up as soon as she saw me at the door and rubbed my belly and gave it a little kiss. It was totally weird at first but I just thought, how sweet that was! This little girl didn’t know me but she recognized that there was a baby in my belly and she wanted to share some of her love with my baby.

The week that Olivia was born I was really stressed. My mom was planning on coming up on the 21^st (the day before my due date) in hopes that she would make it in time for the baby. We had stressed and prayed about when she should come up for months but really felt that she didn’t need to come up until then. That week I was a nervous wreck and boy was I uncomfortable. I was just getting over a 2 month long cold and I quite frankly just wanted my mom to be there to tell me everything was going to be all right. On the 21^st my mom drove from North Bend to Boise and decided to stay the night there with my Aunt and Uncle and then get up early the next day and finish the drive. Adam took me for a walk that night (because by this point I just wanted to have my baby and we had heard that walking can put women into labor). We walked to the Cocoa Bean and enjoyed some hot cocoa and cupcakes then we walked around town. But when I started having pretty steady contractions we decided to head back to the car. 2 seconds after climbing in the car the contracts stopped and I didn't have a single contraction the rest of the night.

My Peanut Butter and Chocolate Cupcake with Cheesecake filling from the Cocoa Bean.
 DE-LISH (but there was a little too much frosting for my liking)!!!!

This is the last picture I have of my belly before Olivia
was born. I took this before my checkup on the 21st.

Now before I tell you this next part I have to just say, I had maybe 2 dozen different women try to explain to me what contractions felt like. But let me just say, they were nothing like what anyone explained them as. THEY ARE AWFUL AND NOT FUN!!!!! Many women told me that contractions are very much like menstrual cramps that start in the lower back and come around the front. Before I was pregnant I would have the worst menstrual cramps. They would cause me to curl up in a ball in bed for two days in tears. I had a hard time keeping down food and my whole body just felt like it was being torn to shreds from the inside out. Yea, contractions were so much worse, and there was no way I could have curled up in a ball with my big ol' belly.

The next morning I anxiously awaited my mom’s arrival and I’m pretty sure I cleaned the apartment 5 times. I even made a crockpot dinner and 3 dozen cookies to try to fill the time. FINALLY she arrived and as soon as I saw her all my worries and anxiety settled. (My mom kind of does that for me) She just makes everything alright. We enjoyed a visit with my grandparents and went through baby clothes together. Then after Adam had come home from classes we decided to go on a walk around campus while dinner finished cooking. We parked at the very top of the hill (for those who are not familiar with the BYU-I campus it is on hill and there are TONS of stairs all over campus) close to the gardens, walked all around the gardens through a few buildings, up and down what felt like a million and two stairs. Half way through the BYU-I Center I started feeling some very subtle contractions but didn’t say anything and continued to push on up the stairs. We walked down to the bottom of the hill so that we could walk through the new art exhibit in the Spori building. By this time I was exhausted and the contractions were getting stronger. So I didn’t walk around the exhibit, I just sat down. Then when we were leaving to show my mom another building we weren’t even 5 steps out of the building and the contractions started getting so strong they were starting to take my breath away. This is when I finally told Adam and my mom about the contractions. So we headed straight to the car (remember we were at the bottom of the hill and we had to go all the way to the top…. Ugggg not fun).

When we got home I made some corn bread to go with dinner (just the box kind because there was no way I was making it from scratch). We watched some Chopped and ate dinner the whole time while having contractions. About an hour after dinner the contractions were now about 3 minutes apart lasting about 1-2 minutes and it was hard to talk during a contraction.(It had been about 3 hours since contractions started) Adam called the hospital and asked when we should come in, the nurse told him that when I couldn’t handle them anymore or if my water broke than that was a good time to come in. Within 30 minutes we were packing up to go to the hospital. It was around 9 pm. My mom was just beaming and saying how excited she was. She also patted my belly a few times and told Olivia how proud she was for waiting for Grandma to get here. I don’t think I have ever seen Adam so nervous and anxious in our whole marriage. He was rushing about the apartment gathering things up and his hands were shaking. I also don’t think Adam has ever driven so fast in his entire life. He was so anxious to get to the hospital that he ran 2 stop signs and told me several times that if a cop tried to pull him over for speeding he wasn’t going to stop till we reached the hospital.

My mom walked me up to the labor unit while Adam parked the car. The nurse confirmed that I was going into labor but I was only dilated to a 4. She showed us where my room was and encouraged us to walk laps around the unit. So that is exactly what we did. We walked twice around the hall then we left the unit to walk down the other halls. But we didn’t make it far before 1—we ran out of halls to walk around and 2—my contractions were hurting so bad I just wanted to sit down. We headed back to the labor unit and was met at the door by a nurse who had my hospital band. She showed it to us and asked if all the information was correct to which Adam responded in a very serious tone “You forgot her middle name... ‘Awesome’.” She looked back at the band with this look of confusion and embarrassment because she was pretty sure she had the information correct. It took her a minute to realize he was just joking and then she gave a halfhearted laugh. I was hurting too much to laugh so I tried my best to give him a smile, but he sure thought he was funny because he was laughing pretty hard. We walked another lap and a half around the unit before we headed back to my room. Shortly after I got in bed my grandparents showed up. I don’t think I have ever seen them so awake and happy in my life! At this point it was around 11:30.

After about half an hour the anesthetist came in to give me my epidural. [Confession time, I don’t do needles. Like I am as bad as a 5 year old when it comes to needles. But even more I don’t react well to pain, especially extreme pain. So despite my real fear of needles I chose the route of an epidural.] Now I wasn’t expecting the process of getting the epidural to be all that pleasant but it was nothing like I imagined. I just thought I would sit up or lay on my side, the needle would go in and out and then it would be over. HOW WRONG I WAS!!!! I had to sit up and then hunch over as far as I possibly could so that my spine was exposed as much as it possibly could be. Then she gave me a shot to numb the area (lies- it didn't numb a thing!). Then she gave me the epidural, and I was not allowed to move….at all. Mind you the whole time I was still having contractions. And on top of that the nurse kept telling me to breath! Like I had time to breath while dealing with all of that. Adam was so wonderful and sat right in front of me and held me the entire time. 

Taken 20 minutes after I got my epidural, All that was going
through my head was how much I was ready to have my baby and
that annoying song: "but first let me take a selfie!"

After the epidural, I had to face more needles. Another nurse came in to put in an IV. She had a hard time finding a good spot to put the needle in and poke around a little, when she finally got it in it really hurt and my whole arm went numb within seconds; I have never felt anything like that. She called in another nurse to come help her and they tried putting it in my right hand. They got the needle in twice but for some reason it didn’t work or something because shortly after getting it in they would pull the needle out and start poking around some more. Finally they gave up on the right hand and went back to the left where the needle was still in but was very uncomfortable. They wiggled it around and then just taped the needle down and left it. I hated that IV needle with a great passion. By this time we were well into the morning and I was extremely tired. Luckily with the help of the epidural I was able to sleep. I kept waking up to either my Grandpa or Adam saying, “Oh she’s having another contraction, and it looks like a big one!” But I honest to goodness couldn’t feel a thing, in fact most of the time they had to tell me when I was having a contraction. It was amazing. Yes, I hated the actual act of getting the epidural but I loved not feeling anything. I guarantee I will be having an epidural with all my babies. Drugs all the way!!! (These next pictures are not my most flattering pictures.)

Adam was wonderful and held my hand the whole time. I was
such a baby about the needles. Like I said- I don't do needles.

\Sometime during the early morning hours I woke up feeling absolutely awful. I don’t really know what came over me but I called out for my mom because she was the first person I saw and then it was all I could do to lean over the side of the bed in time to puke all over the floor. It was in my hair, on my hospital gown, on the sheet and all over the floor. After that I felt a lot better, but my stomach did feel pretty queasy for the next couple of hours. I was able to sneak in another hour or two before I woke up (again, thank goodness for the epidural!).

Okay, another tangent. I would like you to meet a wonderful woman-

 This is Sharon Squibb, she was my midwife and one of my greatest blessings from heaven during my pregnancy. Sharon moved from Iowa to Rexburg shortly before Adam and I did. For whatever reason I felt strongly about giving the midwives a try. I met with Rachel and I liked her but she just wasn’t the right midwife for me. So my next appointment I made with Sharon and from the minute I shook her hand I knew she was who I wanted for my regular midwife. Sharon is a small Jewish lady who has the warmest smile. She is extremely gentle, soft spoken and goes well out of her way to bring comfort to her patients. Every appointment she would spend well over the amount of time I would expect from any doctor or midwife answering my questions in great detail, and she always gave Adam and I such hope. Sharon is full of optimism and excitement and you can just tell that she truly loves her job. I fell in love with Sharon and was able to find much peace to my anxiety and fears in her tender loving care. (Sharon actually moved back to Iowa the day after my 6 week post pregnancy checkup. I feel as though my Father in Heaven blessed me with such a wonderful and patient midwife to take care of me and walk me through my pregnancy and to be there for me for the exact time that I needed her. I am greatly saddened that Sharon has moved away but I am tremendously grateful for the blessing she was to my life and to my family.)

Shortly after I woke up I was surprised when Sharon walked into the room because she was not actually on call. And I was even more surprised when I found out that she had actually spent the whole week in bed sick but again went out of her way to be there for me when I needed her most. The first thing she did was come over and hold my hand for a moment and tell me how excited she was that we had made it to this point. It’s amazing how I went from freaking out on the inside and feeling extremely scared for what was about to happen, to feeling confident that I could deliver my baby and excited that I had made it 40 weeks and I was now preparing for Olivia to come—And it was all because of Sharon. I’m telling you she is an amazing woman and was such a blessing. Sharon talked with Adam and I for a little and then to my mom before she left to go check on another patient of hers that was just down the hall preparing to have her own baby.

As contractions got worse and worse nurses kept coming in and out to check the computer and my vitals, but still my water had yet to break. Around 7:30 am or so Sharon came in and broke my water. Honest to goodness, did not feel a thing! Sometime around 8-8:30 a nurse confirmed that I was dialated to 10 and told me to let her know when I had the urge to push. Lets pause the story here for a second. Urge to push??? What the heck did she mean by that!? I have never in my life had an “urge to push” anything, how was I supposed to know when it was time to push if I didn’t know what she was talking about. Well it was around 9 am that I finally found out what she meant, I wanted to push and I wanted to push bad! It was just Adam, my mom, Sharon, a nurse and a nursing student in the room with me and for 3 HOURS!!!! They stood by my bed side and encouraged me to keep pushing. I really couldn’t tell you much about those three hours. I just remember being tired, but Adam told me that it wasn’t until the last five minutes or so that I really started saying that I was tired and couldn’t do this anymore. 

The one thing that I really do remember was Sharon looking at me and then saying “Ok I just need one more strong push” and then it was like I blinked and she was lifting this beautiful baby up and putting her on my chest (Olivia was born at 11:51 am on Jan. 23rd). After that I have no idea what went on around me because all I could focus on was this wonderful little human being that was laying on my chest. Adam hugged me and said a few things so did my mom, and Sharon told me something but I don’t remember any of that. My eyes were locked on my baby, and there they stayed. She cried for a minute or two and then she stopped and she kept looking at me, she even held my finger (and I was amazed by how strong her grip was). I do remember everyone laughing and someone saying “She just pooped on you” and another nurse grabbing a towel to clean it up but it didn’t bother me one bit. For all I cared she could have pooped on me several times and I still wouldn’t have minded because I was just so happy to be holding my daughter for the first time. I remember thinking over and over how beautiful she was (but I have to admit I did- for a split second- think she kind of looks funny.... how terrible am I for thinking that!). It's amazing how within seconds of holding this child you have carried for so long, that your heart feels almost overwhelmed with the amount of love you have for them. I knew I loved Olivia from the second Sharon lifted her up and that love just grew stronger and stronger the longer I held her. 

An hour later a nurse took Olivia over to a table to clean her up, weigh and measure her. She was 8 pounds 7 ounces and measured at 20 ½ inches long. 

As of this very day that I am writing this Olivia is 2 months old, 12 pounds 8 ounces and 25 inches. I used to roll my eyes every time I would hear a parent or grandparent say, “I blinked and then they grew up!”. But now I feel as though I say that at least once a day. Where has the time gone? My baby girl is growing so big and so well. I love this little girl. She was a literal answer to my prayers (that’s how we knew we should have a baby and that’s how we found out her name) and now she has taken over my world. I couldn’t imagine loving her any more than I already do. I couldn’t imagine a better career or way to spend my time than to be her mother. She is my greatest happiness and I am so happy that God has given her to me and allowed me to be her mom.

First morning together

Early morning quiet time with mom

She is one happy Grandma!

A less than flattering pic-- getting ready to go home

Naps on the floor with Dad

She is such a good sleeper!!!

Olivia loves long car rides

She is such a happy girl!

I love my baby girl!!!!!

Happiness Forever- Now why wouldn't I want that?

Do you know what I love even more than being married to my husband? I love that Adam and I were married in a temple, because that means that we are sealed for time and all eternity! This last weekend I had the great opportunity to listen to the General Relief Society Broadcast; and while listening to the many great talks about the importance of going to the temple I was overwhelmed with gratitude because I have felt just a small portion of the blessings that can be recieved in the temple already in my life; one of which is being sealed to my husband and future children. 

So for those who don't understand what a temple marriage means I will tell you, in my own humble way.

4 Reasons I am grateful I was married in the temple:

1)      Adam and I were married in the Seattle, WA temple.

     If you are ever are driving along 1-90 heading past Bellevue just after you reach exit 11 you will see the tall and pure white temple steeples of the temple peaking over the trees on top of the hill, and you will see the glorious angel Moroni trumpeting his horn- really it is quite the sight to see and will absolutely take your breath away. Why is that temple important to me? Well, as I have already mentioned it is an unquestionably stunning temple, and let’s be honest—what girl doesn’t want to be married in a beautiful castle-like building? The Seattle temple is the one that I grew up with; as a child my parents would take us for walks around the temple and through the gardens whenever we were in the area, I remember waiting in the waiting room there while my Aunt Paige and Uncle Steven were getting married. It was the first temple I did baptisms for the dead, it’s where I received my endowments and most importantly it’s where my parents were married and sealed to their family back in June of 1990.

2)      The temple is the house of the Lord. (For a more in depth read you can visit this site: https://www.lds.org/church/temples/why-we-build-temples?lang=eng ; but I will try to do it justice in my quick sum up.) In ancient times as well as in the modern day, people have built temples, to follow a commandment from God and as a way to commune with God. “Temples are the most sacred place on earth—a place where earth and heaven meet and where we feel close to our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.” A temple is literally a house of the Lord, a holy place of group and individual worship and a place where we can covenant (promise) with the Lord.

(Nauvoo, IL Temple)

Being a religious person, I want my Father in Heaven with me every step of the way. Adam and I have made it a point in our lives to include him in everything we do. We prayed if we should date, we prayed and fasted to know if it was the right thing for us to get married, we prayed to know where we should get married and when. And because he was there aiding us in every step we took we wanted to include him in our marriage ceremony; and there is no better place to do that than in his own home under his authority.

3)      When you marry in the temple you make special and sacred covenants with the Lord. Although I am not supposed to go into detail or really talk about some of those I can tell you about one blessing I have receive in particular, because of the promises we have made with our Father in Heaven.

Being married in the temple links us even closer to God and because of that he blesses us with the Holy Ghost, a constant companion to lead and protect us through life. Since being married I have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost in our lives so much more. My husband, almost weekly, tells me stories about how he was doing something and got an impression. Just the other day he was telling me that he was riding his bike past an old pawnshop and he was curious what was inside. Before entering he was impressed with a feeling that he should not enter the building, so he jumped back on his bike and came home to me. I don’t know what might have happened had he gone inside, but the spirit knew that there was something that would hurt Adam—either mentally, spiritually or physically, and shielded him from that. Through experiences with the Holy Ghost I have felt my Saviors and my God’s great love for me and through that love he has protected my little family time and time again just as he will keep on doing throughout the remainder of my life.

4)      Being married in the temple means that we are sealed with our spouse for (this is my favorite part!) TIME AND ALL ETERNITY!!!!!

Whenever I watch a movie, or read a book about a cute cute couple who is being married I find myself getting wrapped up in all the wedding details and cuteness as if I were actually there. I laugh, I get excited and yes I even cry. But I find that every time I hear or read when the preacher says “Till death do you part” I am saddened. I have found the love of my life, the man who I want to be with is “till death do you part” good enough for me? OF COURSE NOT!!!!! And I don’t really think its good enough for anyone; I’ll tell you why.

            Reason 1: Life is short. That’s not long enough for me to be with Adam. I want more than that. I want to spend all of eternity laughing with him, making memories, making mistakes and fixing them. Furthermore I want an eternity with my children, to raise them, watch them mature and grow, and make memories with them. A lifetime isn’t enough time to have all the fun that there is to be had, to say I love you enough times to show my husband how much I really do mean it, to do the silly little things that make him smile and to be happy with him. “Till death do you part” is in all honesty not a long enough time to be with the one’s you love.

            Reason 2: Forever= Work! Whenever I know that something isn’t going to last very long, I don’t try as hard to enjoy it or to make it last. But when I have something for a really long time I want to do my very best to make the most of it and keep it as perfect as I can. Adam and I are not perfect, as much as I like to think we are. We have our problems and we occasionally disagree. For instance this morning I was listening to Christmas music—because I am one of those crazy fanatics that could listen to it all year round. Well I have been playing my music for the last week or so without thinking or considering if Adam want’s to listen to it. Finally while we were getting ready for school and my music was going he casually mentioned that he is kind of getting tired of the music and would like some more variety (meaning he would like it if I put away the Christmas music for a while longer, at least until we are in the actual season of Christmas). My first instinct was to say, fine then you can go into the other room and listen to your music (or something to that effect); but then I remembered that this marriage isn’t all about me and that if I want to keep what we have going for eternity I need to be considerate of his feelings.

You see being married requires sacrifices and working to continually show your love to your spouse. If I wasn’t going to be married to Adam for very long, then I wouldn’t sacrifice all that much, and I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell him 100 times a day that I love him and make him feel special. But because I am married to Adam for eternity I do want to make those sacrifices, and I do want to show him I love him. I enjoy surprising him with lego sets and history books, making his favorite dinners, holding his hand, telling him just how dang good looking he is; additionally I love to find greater ways to express my love and gratitude for him as well as making him happy. And just to add to everything because I am willing to do all of that he is willing to do the same for me! He cleans the house, makes the bed, brushes my hair at night (because he knows I just love it sooooooo much when he does that!), he tells me how beautiful I am and how much he loves my cooking, he supports me and encourages me to follow my dreams, he does DIY projects with me, watches I Love Lucy with me and so so so much more. It is through the work that we put into our relationship that solidifies what we have and makes it even more enticing to want to spend the rest of forever with each other.

Words can hardly describe the gratitude that I feel for being married in the temple. But I can say this—I have a testimony that the blessings of being married in the temple are real; and I am incredibly grateful that because of my Father in Heaven I get to be happy forever. I love that I was married in the temple to my eternal sweetheart, my life is being continually blessed because of it, and I know that I have just started to partake of those blessings. 

Baby's Nursery Decorations

     So I am about 21 weeks pregnant so as you might imagine my brain is going crazy with decoration ideas for our cute baby's nusery. However.... We can't exactly start decorating or getting too excited about any ideas just yet because we still don't know the gender. Well, we were ooooober blessed in that Adam was able to find a job for four days this week; which means because we have one car I am stuck at home alone for four days. So I thought I would take advantage of these four days by painting a replica of a canvas picture I saw at Target (and absolutely fell in love with). I figured this would take me a few days and it would be fun! WRONG!!!! Oh how wrong I was I finished it in 4 hours, and the only reason it took me that long was because I had to wait for paint to dry in between painting sections. I am super  happy with how it turned out! And best part these colors work for both boy AND girl!!!!

(Kitchen bowels are the best for tracing circle's!)

(I am proud to say that I did all the lettering free hand! Not too bad if I say so myself)

(.... excuse the typo (that's not actually on the canvas) You can buy the canvas at Target for $30 (http://www.target.com/p/oopsy-daisy-too-rise-shine-canvas-wall-art/-/A-14632001) or go cheap like me and buy a $8 canvas at Walmart. And I was able to do a darker blue which I like much better!)

...... Now I guess I have to wait to find out the gender before I do anymore decorating.....

Look Out World! Because our lives are about to change.

May 17, 2014 This is the day that changed Adam's and my lives forever. But lets back up a little. The last week of April/ the first week of May I got this nasty cold. I was throwing up, couldn’t hardly stand up let alone hold my head up, and I just had no energy for 3 days. But the rest of the cold symptoms—headaches, achy, tired, thirsty, no energy, coughing, runny noses, ear aches, etc. continued for another 2 weeks; so if your mind isn’t already wondering to that one place then let me tell you mine sure was. So back to May 17^th,  I had just spent the night home alone (soup, ice cream, chick flicks, in bed, under blankets and both the front door bedroom doors locked), while Adam was at the Ensign Ranch on a campout. I wasn't really excited about being home alone and I made sure he knew it by texting him every 30 minutes (shamefully I have to admit this is true), but this was the perfect time to put my suspicions to rest. So 7 am rolls around and I timidly went into the bathroom to take test- and I think you all know which one I am referring to....

Two hours later I took another test just to be sure, and sure enough it came back positive. So like any reasonable girl I immediately got onto Pinterest to search creative ways to tell my husband the AMAZING, WONDERFUL, EXCITING news! I couldn’t really find anything in particular that I thought was just perfect for the two of us, so I came up with something of my own.

When Adam came home I handed him an envelope. {I figured that since we spent a little over five years communicating through text and a two and a half years communicating over letters now was the perfect time to write him another letter.} When he opened the letter this is what he found—

{We don't actually know the due date yet, I
calculated this date off the internet. So who
knows how accurate it could be.}

At first he didn’t quite know what to say, I don’t think he really understood what it meant. But after about 30/45 seconds a giant grin overcame his face and he was ESTATIC! 

We wanted to keep everything a secret for a while, but plans changed after the morning sickness came, and boy do I have it bad! Two weeks later it was getting a little hard to hide {you know when you feel TERRIBLE and there is absolutely NO way of hiding it? Yea, imagine being like that for 2+ weeks around your mother….} So Adam and I ordered these cute little frames from Amazon and printed out an announcement.

Sunday June 1^st, we went over to my parents’ house for a barbeque. I was in the kitchen with my mom preparing food, and Adam and my dad were standing in the doorway talking. Then Adam said “oh wait, I forgot. We have something for you Harold and Julie.” He grabbed a box out of my purse and handed it to them, they looked pretty confused. But as soon as they opened it up my mom knew exactly what it was. There was much hugging and laughing, maybe a few tears and quite possibly a few shrills and squeals! Adam really couldn’t wait much longer so he called his parents and spilled to beans, and the squeals and excitement continued. {Unfortunately because I so obviously have phobia of post offices, we have yet to mail their package….. this week, this week for sure!}

{we thought these were seriously the cutest frames!!!}

We go in this Thursday {June 19^th} for our first appointment {EEEEEEEEEEEE I seriously am working hard to contain the excitement!!!!}. Right now we are unsure as to how far along I am I could be anywhere from 6-9 weeks, so hopefully the doctor can help us pin point a more exact week and give us a more accurate due date. But as for now, we are just excited to be starting this adventure of soon to be parents!

And just for kicks and giggles {I know.... way to early to be thinking about this but I'm a girl, I cant help it!}

 .........................

To answer a few questions that we have gotten so far:

• Are we excited? And was this planned? Yes we did plan this, and both Adam and I really couldnt be more happier. We have spent a lot of time praying and talking about when we should start our family. We have taken into consideration that we are young and very much poor and will soon be heading back to college but right now just feels like the perfect time for us to be starting our family.

• Are we still planning on moving back to Rexburg at the end of August? Yes we are. We are all set to move back the last week of August. We found an apartment that has two rooms, a washer and dryer, close to campus and LOTS of storage that we think will work perfectly. Adam and I have both signed up for classes (I will be taking an extremely light course load in the fall) and we are still working out the rest after that.

• Have we chosen names, or started to think of names? Oh my golly gee yes! Like any girl, I have had my dream names chosen since I was 8 years old. Adam has come up with quite a few that he really likes, and with some talking I have convinced him to like the names I have chosen more than the names he has chosen. But we are not revealing any of the names at this point, because even though I have chosen the names I like I believe you should meet your child first before you name them.

• How is the morning sickness? Basically I just feel sick and tired, and sore all the time. I really dont have any energy anymore {those who are wondering, Im going to give up Zumba and Refit till after the baby, my body just cant do it these days}. Thankfully I have gotten sick or had to spend my mornings next to the toilet. And double thankfully I have Adam who is so willing to drop whatever he is doing {including if he is at work} to come take care of me. 

• Do you have any weird cravings? Bagles. Lots and lots of bagels. And i mean the really not healthy, plain white bagels, toasted and with butter. I eat at least one bagel a day. I also crave orange juice, peaches {which is weird because i hate peaches, even when I eat them I still hate them}, and fruit gushers {but I refuse, absolutely refuse to give into this craving because I believe they are a waist of money and there is absolutely nothing good in them for me}.

So with that I will end this blog post with a song that I absolutely love!.... and now it finally applies!

I am loved!!!!!

A friend once told me that life actually doesn’t begin until you get married, and I think I am starting to figure out what she meant by that. Since I have been married I have finally started to figure out my personality and who I really am. Not that I didn’t know who I was but I am starting to REALLY see it now, if you know what I mean.

·         I have realized that I am a controller- not in the bad sense, I just like to have control over every situation, I have seen that so much since being married in that sometimes you can’t control what is happening to you, that I can’t always control my husband.

·         I really need sleep. I need to make sure I eat and don’t skip meals and I really need to make sure I drink water. All stuff I have already known but I didn’t know just HOW MUCH it affects my emotions and hormones!

·         I have realized that I need my Father in Heaven and I quite simply can’t afford to not let him into my life.

So sure maybe these three things are all little in the grand scheme of things (well minus the last bullet point), and I kind of already knew all of this. But since I married Adam I have had my eyes opened to just how important it is to take care of myself and not be so focused on taking care of others.

I wanted to share a little story today that really has touched me.

I really do love being married, and I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t say that at least a dozen times. But I don’t adjust so well to change, and let’s face it change and adjusting is a big big BIG part of being married. In the past couple of weeks Adam and I have had some minor things happen to us that were not what I planned on or even hopped for. Everything that has happened has been very small and rather insignificant but as we all know you add up a few insignificant and minor problems and they all make one rather large problem (I warn you I might sound a little vague, but it’s just because I don’t want to go into too much personal detail and I really don’t want to sound like I’m dumping my problems).

In the past couple of days I have complained to Adam countless times about how tired I am of dealing with problems and how I just want things to be easy for a while (I really hope I am not the only wife to have ever had this conversation with her husband). And like a wonderful husband he is so laid back and so easy going and has a huge amount of faith that everything will turn out in the end. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching me to have patience and put a little faith in him…. But to be honest that has never been something I have been strong in.

Last night as we were lying in bed and I was complaining about my phone (I tried to use the GPS and it said I was in Tokyo when I was really on the Snoqualmie Ridge and it has been totally acting up), and just how I was tired of dealing with one thing after another. He laid there and listened to me just dumping everything on him. Then he said something that he has said maybe half a million times but for some reason I actually listened last night. He told me that life wasn’t meant to be easy or all fun and games but what helps him endure all of the heartaches and trials is to find just one good thing out of each day and focus on it. He told me many days it is how grateful he is to be married to me and other days it is that he is simply just happy it isn’t raining (Adam is a landscaper for the summer and living in the rainy northwest he often has to work in the rain).

I went to bed thinking about what he said and how I would really like to have good days more often. But then I woke up on the definite wrong side of the bed. Ever have those mornings? Because I totally do, and I totally did this morning. I didn’t want to get up so I stayed in bed 43 MINUTES after my alarm went off! Yea totally never do that. Then while doing my makeup and hair I had this I really don’t care what I look like today attitude and I started mentally listing every reason why today was going to be a horrible day and why I should just go back to bed. Whew I was sure not in a good mood.

                But then I remembered what Adam said and I thought to myself, “This is stupid, don’t wait for a good day just go have one!” So I tried to think of just one thing I could be grateful for and just the least bit excited about…. Nothing. I literally couldn’t think of one thing to be happy about. So I thought- go skim through Facebook, there has to be one person who has exciting news I can be excited for them about…. Again NOTHING! (EEEEEEEKKKKKKK this makes me sounds like a terrible friend….).

 I really was seriously about to climb back under my covers but then I thought to go check my BYUI email; which at first I thought was silly because I’m off track so I really don’t get anything except for the school’s weekly emails. But nonetheless I still checked it. Typically when I do check it, it is to clear out the dozen or so emails that don’t really apply to me, this time there was just one email from the school, it was to inform me that there was a change to my financial aid. I thought this was a little weird because I don’t ever go onto my account and I wasn’t aware of any changes that were going to be made anytime soon, so I went to the finances tab to see what was up.

 (Background: Adam and I are started to plan things out for when we move to Rexburg at the end of August. We have been looking for apartments that might work for us for a little over a month and just can’t find anything that’s in our price range and meets our needs. And then on top of that I am starting to really worry about how we are even going to be able to afford anything since we haven’t been able to save up too much and we more than likely won’t be able to find a job in Rexburg. Every time I think about moving back I just get teary eyed because there is just so much to worry about and to top it all of I really don’t care much for the state of Idaho. But just a few days ago we were blessed with some very generous people offering us advice as to where would be a good place for us to live, we have narrowed the search down to two possible apartments!)

As soon as I opened up the tab I had to blink and refresh the page to make sure I was staring at the right thing. I was given a scholarship!!!!!! It’s by far not a big one, but let me tell you all I could do for a solid 2 minutes was stare at the screen with this big ol’goofy grin and cry (and then I cried again the entire way to work)!

I want to testify that there is a God and he loves us so so so much! Like I said, everything that has been thrown my way really hasn’t been that big of a deal, I have just chosen to make it a big deal. If I had just given myself time and had faith in myself, my husband and God then of course everything was going to be just fine, because as my husband says—everything always works out for us. But He decided to SHOW me it will be alright. He has heard my prayers and he knows all of my sorrows. He has given me hope and joy and something to hold onto and has let me know that he is going to take care of me every step of the way. My scholarship isn’t that much but it was just what I needed to allow me to have a good day, to see his goodness, to feel his love, to see good days ahead of me and to smile.

Many people say that there is no God but after the tender mercies he has shown me today I know without a shadow of a doubt that He isn’t just real and He isn’t just there, He is a part of my life and he is the very reason that I endure. If it were not for him I would probably still be in bed and my day would have been terrible. He is real, oh so very very real and I love him with all my heart.

I hope and pray that you see his love today and that you too can feel that he is there for you.

"Where you go I will go, And where you stay I will stay." {Ruth 1:16}

     I knew from the moment I turned around and saw him on one knee that I was going to love being married to my best friend, and every day since then I have known that more and more.

[I knew from the moment I first danced with you I wanted to get to know you better....and I want to continue to get to know you and make memories with you.]

     Little background about myself. I have really bad depression, I have very little self-worth, I have really bad anxiety (I have let things go so long that it is starting to affect my physically- when I start getting anxious I get this sharp pain in my chest and back, that only gets worse with the anxiety), I have this voice in my head that tells me I don’t deserve any of the good in my life (including my husband) and I am emotionally driven- which means after I have held things in as long as I can (because I am scared of my burdens being someone else’s burdens) I cry hysterically and there is next to no reasoning with me until I have just cried it all out. I am not proud of any of this.


{This post isn’t about me, it isn’t to gain pity or to let people know all my problems. It is to brag about my husband and let the world know just how lucky I am to have Adam in my life.}

[No one makes me this happy, makes me laugh this much, makes me feel this beautiful or this loved as you do.]

     The other night I came home from work— the day had started off on a rather rough note—and I was just bogged down with all my worries and stress. I could feel my chest starting to hurt and I could feel the anxiety building, but I just didn’t feel that I had time to deal with any of it (wrong answer…. I know). I rushed around the house trying to take care of things (and he followed and listened and did every crazy thing I asked him to do). Then when we were in the bathroom getting ready for bed, Adam started up some small talk. He was asking just everyday questions, but I could feel myself getting heated up-really no reason at all. And then he asked one simple little question and I literally felt myself snap. I started saying something that I knew was not going to end kindly (regrettably this is true…. I told you Im not proud of any of this) so I stopped myself mid-sentence, told him I couldn’t talk about this right now and went and climbed in bed. I laid there and cried for who knows how long, while Adam sat by my side occasionally rubbing my back and telling me he loved me.


     At some point I thought, “I am keeping Adam up, he needs to go to sleep.” So I got up and left the room without a word. I went to the study and curled up on the couch and at this point I was HYSTARICAL! I was sobbing and talking to myself about how I just couldn’t do any of this any longer. Adam, like a wonderful husband came and sat behind me, wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. I could hear him quietly saying a prayer. And then as I would say negative things to myself or that I didn’t deserve him, he would counteract every comment and tell me how much he needs me and loves me. He was so patient with me and he never left my side.

["As the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you: continue ye in my love. John 15:9]

     Eventually he calmed me down enough that I was ready to head to bed; but because I had just been crying so much I was shaky, he held me and slowly assisted to bed. He got me a glass of water he tucked me into bed, and then laid down beside me. But his goodness didn’t stop there. He then went the extra mile by talking to me quietly, telling me all the reasons he loves and appreciates me while gently brushing my hair (which is one of my favorite things, to have my hair brushed).


The next morning he helped me get ready for work. After I had gotten to work I found a little note written on a notecard in my bag.

“My Dearest Kayla,
Thy love, to me: what is it? Hath it wings? Yea, for of a truth it doth carry me evermore to the bliss of the heavens.

Thy love is not a butterfly, to be mispurposefully trampled underfoot by an ignorant act. Nay, but rather it hath been likened to an angel, of whom is brought glad tidings of joy, hope, and that bears the fruit of a kiss.

And so, thus it is that mine heart is given unto thee, o’thee fair Kayla. I pray thee to come unto me this evening that I might tell you I love thee.

Love,
Adam”

[This picture he tried to dip me but almost dropped me. He thought it was hilarious!!! But in truth I love how safe I feel around him. I know he would never hurt me or allow me to get hurt.]

     He came to my work as soon as he had gotten off of work and played Barbie’s with the two girls I nanny and I. When we got home he did the dishes and he did whatever I asked. Since that night he calls and texts me all the time, he leaves cute notes (well he has always done that, but the notes have gotten more and more romantic and sentimental).


     I realized something after all of this—that God really does know me. He knows I have problems and that I cannot overcome on my own. He know I need a man who will love me and support me, will be patient, understanding and will bring out the very best in me. And at the risk of sounding like a sappy girl in love I have to say that my Father in Heaven gave me all of that and so so much more. Adam is and will forever be my best friend. He sees me for the good and not the bad, especially in my lowest of moments.

[I love the way he is silly with me..... GOLLY isn't he just so so cute!!!!]

     My heart is overflowing with gratitude for this tender mercy from Heaven. I want Adam to know that I am so very grateful to have him in my life and for all of the acts of service he gives in my behalf. I am grateful for his optimism and him smile and humor. I am grateful for his willingness to work long hard hours and provide for me. I am grateful for his childlike ways of seeing all the good in the world and his excitement over the little things (a small box of Legos can bring a larger smile to his face than a plate of homemade cookies…. Although he really does love peanut butter chocolate chip cookies). I am grateful for the times I walk into a room and see him on his knees praying, or when he is pouring over his Preach My Gospel Manuel and his scriptures marking and cross-referencing. I am so grateful for the times when I walk in the room and he stops what he is doing and smiles at me and tells me how beautiful he thinks I am.


     I heard once that all the best blessings in life are the result of hard hard work. Adam—you are the greatest blessing in my life. I waited (not so) patiently for you and now that I have you in my life I will continue to work each and every day to show you just how much I love you. Thank you for being my greatest happiness.

Love,

Kayla

[Always and Forever 2.2.14]