A friend once
told me that life actually doesn’t begin until you get married, and I think I
am starting to figure out what she meant by that. Since I have been married I
have finally started to figure out my personality and who I really am. Not that
I didn’t know who I was but I am starting to REALLY see it now, if you know
what I mean.
·
I have realized that I am a controller- not in
the bad sense, I just like to have control over every situation, I have seen
that so much since being married in that sometimes you can’t control what is
happening to you, that I can’t always control my husband.
·
I really need sleep. I need to make sure I eat
and don’t skip meals and I really need to make sure I drink water. All stuff I
have already known but I didn’t know just HOW MUCH it affects my emotions and
hormones!
·
I have realized that I need my Father in Heaven
and I quite simply can’t afford to not let him into my life.
So sure maybe
these three things are all little in the grand scheme of things (well minus the
last bullet point), and I kind of already knew all of this. But since I married
Adam I have had my eyes opened to just how important it is to take care of
myself and not be so focused on taking care of others.
I wanted to
share a little story today that really has touched me.
I really do
love being married, and I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t say that at
least a dozen times. But I don’t adjust so well to change, and let’s face it
change and adjusting is a big big BIG part of being married. In the past couple
of weeks Adam and I have had some minor things happen to us that were not what
I planned on or even hopped for. Everything that has happened has been very
small and rather insignificant but as we all know you add up a few
insignificant and minor problems and they all make one rather large problem (I
warn you I might sound a little vague, but it’s just because I don’t want to go
into too much personal detail and I really don’t want to sound like I’m dumping
my problems).
In the past couple
of days I have complained to Adam countless times about how tired I am of
dealing with problems and how I just want things to be easy for a while (I
really hope I am not the only wife to have ever had this conversation with her
husband). And like a wonderful husband he is so laid back and so easy going and
has a huge amount of faith that everything will turn out in the end. Maybe this
is God’s way of teaching me to have patience and put a little faith in him…. But
to be honest that has never been something I have been strong in.
Last night as
we were lying in bed and I was complaining about my phone (I tried to use the
GPS and it said I was in Tokyo when I was really on the Snoqualmie Ridge and it
has been totally acting up), and just how I was tired of dealing with one thing
after another. He laid there and listened to me just dumping everything on him.
Then he said something that he has said maybe half a million times but for some
reason I actually listened last night. He told me that life wasn’t meant to be
easy or all fun and games but what helps him endure all of the heartaches and
trials is to find just one good thing out of each day and focus on it. He told
me many days it is how grateful he is to be married to me and other days it is
that he is simply just happy it isn’t raining (Adam is a landscaper for the
summer and living in the rainy northwest he often has to work in the rain).
I went to bed
thinking about what he said and how I would really like to have good days more
often. But then I woke up on the definite wrong side of the bed. Ever have
those mornings? Because I totally do, and I totally did this morning. I didn’t want
to get up so I stayed in bed 43 MINUTES after my alarm went off! Yea totally
never do that. Then while doing my makeup and hair I had this I really don’t care
what I look like today attitude and I started mentally listing every reason why
today was going to be a horrible day and why I should just go back to bed. Whew
I was sure not in a good mood.
But
then I remembered what Adam said and I thought to myself, “This is stupid, don’t
wait for a good day just go have one!” So I tried to think of just one thing I
could be grateful for and just the least bit excited about…. Nothing. I
literally couldn’t think of one thing to be happy about. So I thought- go skim
through Facebook, there has to be one person who has exciting news I can be
excited for them about…. Again NOTHING! (EEEEEEEKKKKKKK this makes me sounds
like a terrible friend….).
I really was seriously about to climb back
under my covers but then I thought to go check my BYUI email; which at first I
thought was silly because I’m off track so I really don’t get anything except
for the school’s weekly emails. But nonetheless I still checked it. Typically
when I do check it, it is to clear out the dozen or so emails that don’t really
apply to me, this time there was just one email from the school, it was to inform
me that there was a change to my financial aid. I thought this was a little
weird because I don’t ever go onto my account and I wasn’t aware of any changes
that were going to be made anytime soon, so I went to the finances tab to see
what was up.
(Background: Adam and I are started to plan
things out for when we move to Rexburg at the end of August. We have been
looking for apartments that might work for us for a little over a month and
just can’t find anything that’s in our price range and meets our needs. And
then on top of that I am starting to really worry about how we are even going
to be able to afford anything since we haven’t been able to save up too much and
we more than likely won’t be able to find a job in Rexburg. Every time I think
about moving back I just get teary eyed because there is just so much to worry
about and to top it all of I really don’t care much for the state of Idaho. But
just a few days ago we were blessed with some very generous people offering us
advice as to where would be a good place for us to live, we have narrowed the
search down to two possible apartments!)
As soon as I
opened up the tab I had to blink and refresh the page to make sure I was
staring at the right thing. I was given a scholarship!!!!!! It’s by far not a
big one, but let me tell you all I could do for a solid 2 minutes was stare at
the screen with this big ol’goofy grin and cry (and then I cried again the
entire way to work)!
I want to testify
that there is a God and he loves us so so so much! Like I said, everything that
has been thrown my way really hasn’t been that big of a deal, I have just
chosen to make it a big deal. If I had just given myself time and had faith in
myself, my husband and God then of course everything was going to be just fine,
because as my husband says—everything always works out for us. But He decided
to SHOW me it will be alright. He has heard my prayers and he knows all of my
sorrows. He has given me hope and joy and something to hold onto and has let me
know that he is going to take care of me every step of the way. My scholarship isn’t
that much but it was just what I needed to allow me to have a good day, to see
his goodness, to feel his love, to see good days ahead of me and to smile.
Many people say
that there is no God but after the tender mercies he has shown me today I know
without a shadow of a doubt that He isn’t just real and He isn’t just there, He
is a part of my life and he is the very reason that I endure. If it were not
for him I would probably still be in bed and my day would have been terrible.
He is real, oh so very very real and I love him with all my heart.
I hope and pray
that you see his love today and that you too can feel that he is there for you.
